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99 Ways to Open a Beer Bottle

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99OpenBeers.com

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We’ve all been there and know how frustrating it is to have that cold, frosty, thirst-quenching beer in hand and suddenly realize that you can’t open it. We cannot always “be prepared” like a Boy Scout, but with this handy “how-to” reference guide, your problems will be solved. You will be able to accomplish this simple task no matter what environment you find yourself in. This manual has examples for a variety of common situations and circumstances that you many encounter.

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Ceramic Plates

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Ceramic Ashtrays

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Ceramic Vases

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Teapots & Pitchers

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Writer

WRITING.JPG.jpg

We’ve all been there and know how frustrating it is to have that cold, frosty, thirst-quenching beer in hand and suddenly realize that you can’t open it. We cannot always “be prepared” like a Boy Scout, but with this handy “how-to” reference guide, your problems will be solved. You will be able to accomplish this simple task no matter what environment you find yourself in. This manual has examples for a variety of common situations and circumstances that you many encounter. They include:
  • Home
  • On the Street
  • Office
  • Tool Box
  • Sporting Goods
  • In Women’s Pocketbook
  • In Your Pockets
  • Last Resort
  • Transportation
Published by:
  • Crown Publishing (US)
  • Eichborn AG (Germany)
  • Bookman Press (Austrailia)

As you use and apply this information, you will soon realize the variants possible and come up with your own solutions. Let’s face it, all you’re doing is prying a round piece of metal off a round piece of glass. To accompany each example, I have instituted a skill-rating system. After the instructions, there is a beer bottle system for degrees of difficulty.


EASY 1BOTTLE.JPG.jpgSPACE.GIF.gifMEDIUM 1BOTTLE.JPG.jpgSPACE.GIF.gif1BOTTLE.JPG.jpgSPACE.GIF.gifHARD1BOTTLE.JPG.jpgSPACE.GIF.gif1BOTTLE.JPG.jpgSPACE.GIF.gif1BOTTLE.JPG.jpg


I wish you luck and happy beer drinking. Always remember: NEVER DRINK FROM THE BOTTLE IF YOU BREAK THE GLASS!

Fire Hydrant

1. Follow arrow on top, “Open”
2. Place cap in recess between screw and nut
3. Press down
4. Drink
1BOTTLE.JPG.jpgSPACE.GIF.gifHYDRANT.JPG.jpg
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Police Car

1. Make sure nobody is in the car
2. Place cap in trunk lid
3. Press down
4. Drink
5. Don’t get caught
1BOTTLE.JPG.jpgBack to ListSPACE.GIF.gifPOLICE.JPG.jpg

Toilet

1. Place cap in between valve and pipe
2. Press down
3. Drink
1BOTTLE.JPG.jpgSPACE.GIF.gifBack to ListSPACE.GIF.giftoiletfix.jpg

Pool Bridge

1. Hold bridge near the end
2. Place cap in opening
3. Press down
4. Don’t spill any on the table
5. Drink
1BOTTLE.JPG.jpgSPACE.GIF.gif1BOTTLE.JPG.jpgBack to ListSPACE.GIF.gifbridgefix.jpg

Newspaper Vending Machine

1. Pretend to read headlines
2. Place cap in coin return
3. Press down
4. Drink
1BOTTLE.JPG.jpgSPACE.GIF.gifBack to ListSPACE.GIF.gifPAPER.JPG.jpg

Computer

1. Place cap in hard drive slot
2. Pry off carefully
3. Drink
4. Play some more computer games
1BOTTLE.JPG.jpgSPACE.GIF.gif1BOTTLE.JPG.jpgSPACE.GIF.gif1BOTTLE.JPG.jpgSPACE.GIF.gifCOMPUTER.JPG.jpg
note: this will probably
scratch your computer, but it will open your beer
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Roller Blades

1. Place cap in between shoe and blade
2. Pry off
3. Drink
1BOTTLE.JPG.jpgSPACE.GIF.gif1BOTTLE.JPG.jpgBack to ListSPACE.GIF.gifRBLADE.JPG.jpg

Belt Buckle

1. Undo buckle (don’t let pants fall)
2. Adjust buckle accordingly
3. Pry off
4. Drink
5. Don’t forget to buckle up
1BOTTLE.JPG.jpgSPACE.GIF.gif1BOTTLE.JPG.jpgBack to ListSPACE.GIF.gifBELT.JPG.jpg

Ski Binding

1. Ski all day
2. Go to lodge
3. Lean ski against wall
4. Place beer in toe binding
5. Press down
6. Drink
1BOTTLE.JPG.jpgSPACE.GIF.gifBack to ListSPACE.GIF.gifSKI.JPG.jpg

Teeth

1. Must be totally desperate
2. Place cap inside mouth
3. Bite off (be careful*)
4. Drink and enjoy
1BOTTLE.JPG.jpgSPACE.GIF.gif1BOTTLE.JPG.jpgSPACE.GIF.gif1BOTTLE.JPG.jpgSPACE.GIF.gifTEETH.JPG.jpg
*Remember kids, don’t try this at home!
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Got a better idea? Let me know.

brett@brettstern.com

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Recycled Benches

Question:
What do you get when you smash a toilet bowl into a zillion pieces?

Answer:
A method for recycling.

Created a proprietary concrete matrix material that applies the usage of fired ceramic product, such a toilet bowls, urinals and dishes and turns it into finished goods.

The domestic ceramic sanitaryware industry currently manufactures approximately 20.94 million individual units (toilet tanks and bowls, urinals, sinks, bidets) with the amount of secondary waste produced exceeding 35,869 tons per year. Project prposed to take these toilets and create an aggregate raw material out of them. The crushed material can then be designed into manufactured industrial and consumer products. The goal is to fabricate objects that use as their structured content the recycled clay, just as glass bottles, plastic containers and newspapers are recycled today back into products.

A typical concrete composite has as its weight content over 50% aggregate in its mixture. The concrete industry currently uses over 2 billion tons of gravel per year. Therefore, with just a 1% penetration into the aggregate industry, there would be a market demand for over 20 million tons of ceramic aggregate annually. If the penetration reached 1.79% the complete waste of the sanitaryware industry could be consumed.

Park benches Picnic tables Playground furniture Road barriers
Parking bumpers Garden furniture Fountains Trash/waste cans
Bollards Flooring tile Terrazzo products Planters

This park bench is an example of this application. Imbedded into the cement mixture was once a complete toilet bowl and tank weighing 52 pounds.

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Wood Kiln

Visiting artist/engineer, Alfred University – ceramic department, 2003-2005 was asked to investigate the development of a method to reduce the amount of pollutants being released from the wood burning kilns on campus that exceeded EPA/NYS-DEC air quality standards.

Wood fired kilns come in many assorted shapes, sizes and firing attributes, but all require a continuous tending and stoking of wood throughout the process, which lasts from several hours to several days. During this process the “fly ash” from the burning wood is drawn from the firebox into the chamber where the pots sit. This ash settles and eventually fluxes and melts to form a natural ash glaze on the surface of the pottery.

To create as much ash as possible a typical stoking occurs every 7-10 minutes. The kiln is typically fired in a reduction atmosphere, which starves the kiln fire of oxygen. The downside is that this causes a release of heavy black smoke (carbon monoxide), particulates, hydrocarbons and release of air contaminates into the atmosphere over the continuous firing process from the chimney flue.

Solution covers the method of placing a catalytic combustor (convertor) in the chimney flue to burn the fuel more efficiently and burn-off unwanted contaminate. Exhaust gases can be routed through a catalytic combustor: a ceramic or metallic matrix material that is coated with a metal such as platinum or palladium. Smoke, gases and particles pass through the combustors surfaces and ignite at a much lower temperature (250°C) than they would without the combustor (500°C). The result is that harmful substances are more completely burned. The process is passive, relatively maintenance free and of reasonable costs over an estimated 5-year lifecycle. Preliminary test results reduced particulates by 85-90% during the process and did not effect firing schedule or ash effect on ceramic work.

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Plable

Ceramic tiles- one side flat, the other recessed for eating. Tiles sit in table surface. When ready to eat, push down on the edge of tile and turnover. Are you eating on the plate or are you eating on the table? The middle tiles have inserts for serving dishes, candle holders or centerpieces.

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Clothing Creator

The Clothing Creator™ is a patented* machine process that manufactures clothing and related soft-goods without human labor in 45 seconds cycle per garment. In final stages of development, the process will use heat molding to form soft/pliable 3-D shapes permentalty formed into the fabric and ultrasonic bonding/cutting processes to join the materials together that will feature Computer-Integrated-Manufacturing (CIM) techniques, which are capable of generating garments of higher quality and lower production costs than those made by conventional cut-and-sew methods. Additionally the physically compact process offers decentralized manufacturing allowing for domestic micro factories at place of eventual usage of product, rather than oversees. Imports currently account for over 98% of appreal purchased domestically and 17%+ of trade deficite.

“We are creating a new vocabulary for the garment designer and manufacture that will feature cutting edge technology”, Stern says”. This process will never replace cutting and sewing, but this method can be applied to mass-produced, volume-oriented clothing production. The process will be useful in manufacturing a variety of garments, ranging from loose-fitting styles to highly contoured designs. The three-dimensional format of the process will be particularly well-suited to heavily constructed garments, since the built-in memory of the fabric will not be affected by repeated washings, drying, dry cleaning or ironing.

The Clothing Creator™ will accommodate a variety of knit, woven and non-woven materials that primarily contain synthetic fibers, such as, polyester, nylon, Spandex or polypropylene. Among the many types of garments that could be manufactured by this process are work clothing, career apparel, athletic garments, swimwear, medical disposables, health-care products, hazardous material protective garments, clean room clothing, outdoor wear, upholstery, doll clothing and highly contoured stuffed-toy shells.

The advantages of the Clothing Creator™ process:

  • Greatly reduced production costs,
  • Increased quality  of garments,
  • Reduction in lead time,
  • Capacity to produce new class of garments.

This work has been funded under the aegis of the National Science Foundation – Small Business Innovation Research Program (SBIR), U.S. Department of Energy – Energy Related Inventions Program (ERIP), New York State Energy and Research and Development Authority – Energy Products Center and the New York State Science and Technology Foundation. Research grants of $211,000 have been applied to this program.

U.S. Patent #4,645,629 *expired

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Ice Cream Cone

Molded waffer ice cream cone. Melted ice cream drips into outer gutter and into interior of cone.

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Sprout Spout®

Finally, there’s an easy-to-use way to end kids’ spills! This universal spill-proof cap turns any 16 0z. (and up) store-bought plastic juice container into the equivalent of a sip cup. The special one-piece cap automatically prevents fluid from spilling or leaking – even if dropped or tipped over.

It screws snugly onto the industry-standard neck of plastic non-carbonated beverage bottles. The fully automatic valve opens and closes tightly in response to drinking pressure. Made of non-toxic, high-density polyethylene. Durable, reusable and dishwasher-safe.

In addition to design efforts, found client a domestic manufacturer that was already producing internal valve components for an alternative function, saving on engineering development and tooling for production.

www.sproutspout.com/

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Selective Vascular Compression Device

Client:Pfizer Inc., Scheider (USA) Division, Strategic Innovation Group, Pfresh Tech Think Tank.

For use during radial angioplasty heart surgery, a compression device for selectively applying compressive force to a localized area of interest on the body surface that is readily positioned and fastened in place.

US Patent #5,569,297

“Selective vascular compression devise”

European Patent, #95926476.3-2305

“Selective vascular compression devise”, Designated states; AT, BE, CH, DE, DK, ES, FR, GB, GR, IE, IT, LE, LU, NL, PT, SE.

Assignee: Schneider (USA) Inc., Plymouth, MN. 1996

Assignee: Schneider Inc. (Europe), 1997

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Mr. Freeze Costume

Batman movie, Warner Brothers.

Technical consultant for Mr. Freeze costume.

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Mikasa

Designs for Cookware

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Implantable Access Device

Client:Pfizer Inc., Valley Labs Division, Strategic Innovation Group, Pfresh Tech Think Tank.

For dialysis procedures, an implantable access device for allowing repeat access to a site within the body of a patient, which allows for the passage of fluids, filaments or therapeutic agents.

US Patent #5,741,228

“Implantable access device”, 1998

Assignee: Horizon Medical, Atlanta, GA.

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Guide-pin Placement Device

Client:Pfizer Inc., Howmedica Division, Strategic Innovation Group, Pfresh Tech Think Tank.

Methodology for placing a femoral hip screw in femoral head to repair a hip fracture. A hand-held instrument and method for use by a surgeon to target the appropriate entry point and trajectory on bony tissue through which an instrument or implant is passed.

US Patent #6,520,969

“Guide-pin placement device”, 2003

US Patent #6,214,013

“Method of using a guide-pin placement device”, 2001

US Patent #6,036,696

“Guide-pin placement device and method of use”, 2000

Assignee: Stryker Technologies, Kalamazoo, MI.

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Gothic Revival Castle

Commissioned to design and build the interior of a castle in the Gothic Revival style. Site location is the West Village of New York City. Client collects decorative arts of that period and requested the renovation of a 3,500 sq.ft. loft to match his collection. Work consisted of historical research, sourcing original suppliers and materials from the time period, overall design and engineering of space, construction and carving of all wood pieces and installation of all woodwork and tile and hanging of artwork.

For a virtual tour click here

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Ceramics

Clay is my favorite material. My afterschool job in high school was as an apprentice to a potter. I got to learn the craft from an old school perspective. This included rolling out clay slabs with a metal pipe and mixing all of the lead-based glazes without a respirator. Great way to learn and respect any material. Has provided a method to explore and use other materials ranging the full spectrum of natural to synthetics and tools, both hand and mechanical to process them.

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Marble Bathroom

There is a method to Brett’s madness. To complete the renovation of this new bathroom, he glued 25,132 glass marbles on to the floor, walls, ceiling, tub, doors and sink counter. The glass pieces are amorphic in shape, about an inch in diameter, 3/8″ thick, flat on one side and domed on the other. A combination of clear and frosted clear marbles were chosen to give a sublime texture to the surface. And yes, each marble was glued in place one at a time.

The marbles are sized small, approximately 5/8″ diameter and large, roughly 1″ diameter. The small size is available in thirty-two colors and the large in twelve. The colors are either translucent, opaque or cat’s eye. They are naturally glossy, but can be made frosted or with an iridescent finish. I’ve done an installation with 105,000 marbles and can’t wait to do 1 million. Anybody want a pool done?

* 6 days of gluing, 2 days of grouting, 1 day of cleaning.

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Inventors at Work

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InventorsAtWork.com

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This book is a collection of interviews conducted with individuals who have distinguished themselves in the invention space. Some of the inventors interviewed here have their Aha! moments in government, institutional, or industrial labs; develop their inventions with multidisciplinary teams of experts; and leave the marketing of their inventions to other specialists in the organization. Some inventors in this book develop their inventions with small teams in academic labs and try to translate their research into product via licenses or startup companies. Other inventors I interviewed carry on the classic lone-inventor-in-his-garage tradition and take on the task of bringing their products to market themselves. And a few mix and match their strategies, bringing skills honed in big labs home to their garages and licensing their personal inventions to big corporations.

This is not a recipe book. It doesn’t aim to reduce invention to a series of foolproof steps: how to take an idea, go through the R&D process, develop prototypes, create intellectual property, build a brand, raise capital, and get product on store shelves. Rather, this book invites readers to touch their own creative impulses to the fires of real inventors speaking candidly about what possesses them every day of their lives: the passion to invent.

These privileged conversations have confirmed my belief that inventors are born to be inventors. Of the multitudes of clever people who get technical degrees in engineering and scientific fields, only a fraction contrive to add patents to their credentials. It is the rare individual who can combine curiosity, intellectual powers, mechanical knack, and focused awareness to see a novel solution to a problem and then convert that insight into a physical invention that works. (For the sake of coherence, I decided to interview only the inventors of physical products, and not the inventors of software products.)

This collection of interviews shows how a startling variety of inventors—selected for their widely divergent backgrounds, educations, fields, interests, personalities, age, gender, ethnicities, business circumstances, and invention types—share the ability and indeed the compulsion to create ideas and objects that are useful, exciting, and unprecedented. Some of the inventions described here by their creators have transformed the world; others simply made the world a more fun place to live. But all of these different inventions drew on an array of common traits in their inventors: perseverance, drive, motivation, a touch of obsession, and—most importantly—the welcoming of failure as a opportunity to learn and push their ideas forward.

The intent was to talk about the process they go through, not so much the product they invented. I was also struck by the fact that most of the inventors I interviewed expressed a similar set of preferences and work habits. They like to work on multiple projects simultaneously in multidisciplinary teams, freely sharing their ideas with others. They reach out to experts in other fields and ask lots of questions. They wake up in the middle of the night and sketch out their ideas on paper or visualize them vividly in their heads. They prototype ideas using materials that they are comfortable working with. They use physical exercise to relax their minds and jack up their concentration. They seek mental stimulation and different tempos of thought in areas outside their specialties. Most strikingly, they value slow time to ponder alternative opportunities. And finally, they said they would never retire from being an inventive person or stop working on a project that interests them.

COPYRIGHT 2012: Brett Stern – ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

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Beer Chips®

Beer Chips® – Potato chips made with beer

Hot Potatoes® – Spicy Bloody Mary potato chips

Chip Shots® – Margarita with salt potato chips

Chief Chipper-inventor/owner. Launched an entrepreneurial business to create and market a line of adult snack foods. Set up a virtual manufacturing business model to outsource everything except the creativity. Branded/designed product and created all intellectual property (trademarked in 34 countries). Developed flavor profiles, sourced ingredients, suppliers and co-packers. Designed packaging and all related collateral materials for day to day business operations. Created marketing and sales campaign for product and got placement in planograms without slotting fees in major retail supermarkets/box stores throughout US and abroad. Hired/managed office staff, established broker/sales network and set-up distribution channels. Lead sales person with first year revenue exceeding $500K, 2nd year $1.3 million+ and sold company assets at the end of 3rd year to national snack food manufacturer in 2010.

www.beerchips.com

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Coffee Cup Lid

Every morning I go out for a cup of coffee and a bagel. By the time I get to my office, the coffee has leaked out of the top of the coffee container, soaked the napkins and made the bagel all soggy. To solve this problem I decided to invent a beverage cup lid that doesn’t leak.

My solution to stop the leak from the small vent hole on the top of the lids is to apply a proprietary filter material, which allows air to flow through the vent hole, while retaining the liquid inside the container. The vent hole can be anywhere on the lid and the filter material can be fabricated in a variety of colors.

This invention will prevent unwanted release of hot or cold liquid, which has the ability to burn the user or create an unsanitary and messy condition. In the case of a hot coffee spill, clothing, furniture, carpeting, car interiors and any surrounding surfaces may be stained, any other contents of the soggy bag are typically soaked and spoiled. Moreover, hot coffee and the like can cause scalding as it is ejected out of the container upon impact leaving the vendor open to liability.

U.S. Patent #5,988,426

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